October 5, 2007

News From the Parallel Universe

Besides the paper that you're reading right now, one of my favorite news sources is Reuters.com. Reuters, of course, is an international news service, so its flavor is decidedly more global than CNN's, for example. With worldwide breaking news at my fingertips, I no longer have to restrict my incisive commentary to domestic issues. Consider the following recent stories that, before Al Gore gave us the Internet, might never have made it to our shores.

The top story on Wednesday was this: North and South Korea May End Korean War. Now, I was busy with potty training during the Korean War, so I'm a little fuzzy on the details, but wasn't it over, oh, about 50 years ago? Well, it turns out that South Korea never actually signed the armistice, and now they're making a big deal about it. Just like before, the U.S. is getting mixed up in it.

But enough about politics. Let's get to the good stuff.

Johannesburg, South Africa, is holding a "Sexpo" and one of the featured artists is a naked guy who calls himself "Pricasso" because he paints portraits with his…well, you know. His real name is Patch, which he would be advised to wear over his paintbrush when he's not using it.

Speaking of nudity, I learned from Reuters that Nicolas Cage surprised a naked intruder in his house. The guy was trying on a leather jacket that belonged to the actor. Cage allegedly asked him to take off the jacket and leave. Personally, I would have let him keep the jacket and offered him some pants as well.

While we're discussing stories of a disturbing nature, here's a good one. Reuters carried a picture of a newlywed couple who had finally tied the knot after living together for nine years. He is 24; she is 82. They will spend their honeymoon in Rio. Once you get over the "ick" factor, you have to wonder whether the bride owns a diamond mine. Or at least some Google stock.

In China, people are celebrating National Day is a variety of ways that lend themselves to photo ops and Reuters seems to have covered each and every one. There in all their digital glory are the porky little piglet who swims, the charming chimpanzee who plays basketball, and the 20,000 people who gathered in Hong Kong to practice Tai Chi. Nobody can beat China for organizing a crowd.

When it comes to odd news, though, the U.K. wins hands-down. A story out of Britain this week documents the appearance of stone heads on doorsteps all over England. The heads are 18-inch-high miniatures of the giant heads on Easter Island and, according to stonemasons, the sculptures exhibit quality workmanship. Attached to each head is a poem: "Twinkle, twinkle little star, does love blaze less from afar?" Obviously, the perpetrator is more prankster than poet.

Here's the funny part. One of the heads showed up outside the post office in the village of Braithwell. The postmistress discovered the head in August, but didn't tell anybody. Only when reports of other mysterious heads surfaced did she mention it to anyone. How unflappable do you have to be to go to work, find a stone head on the doorstep, and just go about your day sorting the mail as usual? I'll bet she could pose for a portrait by Pricasso and not bat an eye.