September 28, 2007

Not Becoming Jane Austen

Love her or hate her, you have to admit Jane Austen is having quite a career. Dead since 1817, the woman who has been called the greatest romantic novelist of all time is infinitely more famous now than when she lived her abbreviated life in long-ago Britain.

The Austen novels published during her lifetime didn't bear her name-the books listed the author as "a Lady." Now, Austen has become a franchise and her name helps to sell screenplays, novels, TV series, and even souvenir merchandise. Anyone care for a "Jane is my homegirl" T-shirt?

My sister Dee, as well-read a person as ever lived, hates Austen. I was surprised at the vehemence of her denouncement of the author's worth. "What's your beef with Jane? She's my homegirl," I asked Dee.

"Her characters are shallow, silly, and have no social conscience. They are completely unaware of anything except their own little lives and care about nothing except who dances with whom at the party." said my sister with the highly developed social conscience.

I assume that means that, by association, I am shallow, silly and socially unaware for enjoying Jane Austen, but as fortune would have it, I care not a whit for the opinions of others.

Keeper and I watched the latest Pride & Prejudice movie on TV recently, the one starring Keira Knightly, who is so luminous she can light up both England AND Wales when she breaks into a smile.

Watching the Bennet girls endure their genteel poverty while hunting for husbands to save the family, I was struck by the fact that despite the restrictive social norms, absence of career opportunities, and lack of central heating, I wouldn't mind being a Jane Austen character. Of course, it would have to be the heroine, the sly, witty sister who has the most interesting life even though she sometimes ends up a spinster.

There are many things that appeal to me about Austen's world, but I won't climb into the time machine until I've done a careful analysis. Let's begin, shall we?

Becoming a Jane Austen Character: the Pros and Cons

Pro: I would have a lot of sisters to talk to.
Con: Some of them would do nothing but giggle and get underfoot.

Pro: People in my social group would be exceedingly polite, bowing and addressing me as "Miss."
Con: Good manners can be tiresome after a while.

Pro: I would write and receive a lot of letters.
Con: Messy 19th century pens.

Pro: Men would stammer out their regard for me.
Con: It would always be the wrong guy, like the little toad-like rector in P&P.

Pro: A simple thing like a new hair ribbon could cause rapture.
Con: Dismal financial situation and five sisters mean frivolous purchases would be extremely rare.

Pro: Lots of parties.
Con: Impossibly intricate dance steps.

The data are in and the last con is a deal-breaker. I would enjoy being a plucky heroine who is adept at uttering ironic witticisms like "I prefer to be unsociable and taciturn," but not if I have to do it while keeping track of what my feet are doing.