September 21, 2007

What's a Mother to Do?

I met a friend for lunch on Wednesday, and it was good to get out of the house, have some adult conversation, and, frankly, just get away from the kids for awhile. I swear, with all their begging for treats and chasing each other around the house, I can't get any work done.

No, my children haven't moved back home. I'm talking about the furry companions I adopted so that I wouldn't have to be alone. So, what's the problem? The problem is, I'm never alone!

Corky (aka The Corkster) is a French Bulldog, a breed known for being loyal companions and good lapdogs. At one time I found that appealing. I could just picture it--my little dog and I curled up in a chair by the fire. Here's the trouble. Corky doesn't seem to understand the difference between Snuggling Mommy and Working Mommy. She follows me from room to room. If I'm folding laundry, she's sitting on it. If I'm loading the dishwasher, she's licking the plates. If I'm getting the mail, she's got her nose pressed against the glass, watching me. It's like being stalked.

Mostly, she waits for me to make a lap. As soon as I sit down, particularly if it's to work at the computer, she's right there trying to jump on me. As I'm writing this, Corky is under my feet, vigorously chewing a bone which she has braced against the chair leg, and Mr. Bobo the Wonder Cat is on my desk in front of the monitor, giving me the evil eye.

I can't blame him. He never did anything to deserve the bouncing canine surprise we got him for his 9th birthday. He spent weeks on top of the kitchen cabinets before he realized that, having a longer reach and a higher jump, he needn't be afraid of Corky. He greets every doggy overture of "Let's play!" with a sideways glance, a yawn, and if necessary, a well-aimed swat. Corky hasn't seemed to learn. Thirty-seven times a day, she excitedly invites Mr. Bobo to play chase or tug-of-war.

He's not having it. He waits patiently (as only cats can do) for me to leave the house, knowing that that annoying little puppy gets jailed in a crate during my absence. With both of us out of the way, it's party time for Mr. Bobo, who can unroll the toilet paper, lick the shower drain, or stretch out on that cozy chair by the fire without fear of encountering his overly rambunctious roommate.

The fun never ends. Every day, it's a chorus of demands: Feed me! Take me out! Scratch my belly! It's enough to drive a mother mad.

One evening after a particularly trying day that involved hairballs and overturned trash cans, I met Keeper at the door when he returned from the office.. "I've had it! You're in charge now," I said as I retreated into the bedroom.

Keeper walked the dog and calmed the cat and then came into the bedroom where I was huddled under the covers with a pillow over my head. "Which is more trouble - children or pets?" he asked.

That put it in perspective. Yes, pets are a lot of trouble, but at least you can lock them in a cage with some water and a snack and go out to lunch.