July 11, 2007

You won! Now what?

I've seen these guys on TV. They're ordinary Joes who step into the spotlight and through a combination of skill and dumb luck, they become crowd-pleasing champions crying tears of joy on a jumbo screen.

No, I'm not talking about "America's Got Talent." I'm talking about my friend Katie's husband Jason, a regular guy who entered an online contest to compete in a football-throwing contest at a 49ers home game.

His name was picked, and along with two other guys, he was scheduled to appear at halftime and try throwing a football through the back of a Hummer for the chance to advance to the finals and win the very same suburban tank that is just the thing for grocery shopping with the family.

Jason wasn't going to depend on luck and wasn't about to embarrass himself in front of a stadium crowd. He managed to snag a football that was exactly the kind used in the contest and spent his lunch hours in the parking lot behind his office, throwing it through the back of a conveniently placed Hummer. I don't know if he had his co-workers simulate crowd noise, but the conditions were reasonably close to the real thing.

The big day came and, lo and behold, he easily beat his two opponents to advance to the finals, to be held on Christmas Eve.

Sitting in a stadium was not how his wife Katie had imagined spending Christmas Eve, but she and their son Nicolas found themselves at the game with Jason, who hadn't slept or eaten for days in anticipation of the big event.

Halftime arrived. The 3 contestants were given 10 balls each. The contestant who got the most balls into the back of the car in the space of 30 seconds would be the winner. They aimed, they threw, they…tied. It took a number of rounds for Jason to emerge the winner in a sudden death playoff. The crowd went wild.

Back home in Santa Clara, the rest of the story unfolded. The Whitleys didn't exactly get to drive the car out of the stadium. It wasn't until February that they actually got their hands on their fully loaded Hummer H2. Then there were tax issues. There were fair market value questions. There were arguments about who got to ride shotgun. At last, IRS regulations satisfied, they took it home.

There was never any question of keeping it. From the beginning, Jason and Katie had agreed that they would sell it and pocket the cash. It's not like they took regular off-road trips through rough terrain. Their current car was just fine for jaunts to Great America and Target.

After several unsuccessful attempts to unload it through Autotrader, they sold it to a fellow who offered cash, and lots of it. You see, he was in Australia, which is apparently devoid of Hummer dealers. He was so desperate for a Hummer that he willing to pay to have it shipped and converted to right-hand drive for his 3-year stay Down Under.

Before they surrendered it to the local dealer who was handling the details, the Whitleys put a few miles on it. With their initial miles-per-gallon at a paltry 6-10, they scaled back on their plans to show it off. They did drive Nicolas to school, much to the delight of his cheering classmates.

So, what did the Whitleys do with the money from the sale of their fuel-hungry behemoth? They did what any right-thinking American would do. They bought a hybrid.