July 6, 2007

Bad Hair Day All Over

Imagine this. You go in for a trim and the hairdresser pulls a Britney Spears on you. Your formerly long wavy locks are now mere stubble. What do you do? In Callie's case, she refused to leave her room for a week.

Callie's parents pleaded with her. They cooked special meals that they knew she would like. They bought her new toys to entice her, but there was nothing doing. She had been so traumatized by her unexpected shaving that it seemed nothing would make her right again.

They took Callie to the doctor, fearing that she had suffered some kind of bodily injury, but there was no sign of a physical problem. A second doctor concurred and suggested psychiatric help.

Enter the "behaviorist," who consulted over the phone for more than $100 a session. She confirmed that a bad haircut was enough to cause such a fright and suggested several ways to soothe her nerves.

Callie finally responded to medication, her father confirmed to me, the first time I had heard of a Dachshund being prescribed drugs for a grooming accident.

Pet psychiatry is not as uncommon as you might think, nor is it strictly a California thing. There are animal behaviorists all over the country who claim to be able communicate with animals and get to the root of their behavior problems.

Most of this animal talk therapy seems to be directed at dogs, because cats, as we know, are completely inscrutable. If you tried to read their thoughts they would not only block your access, but they would mock you mercilessly. Dogs are just more open to suggestion.

As a fan of the Dog Whisperer (National Geographic Channel's Cesar Millan) I suspect that most bad behavior by dogs is the result of the owners needing training. In Callie's case, though, the owners innocently took her in for a routine grooming and got back a dog with Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. Imagine their guilt ("We just wanted her to look nice!") and feelings of helplessness.

I can't help wondering what the Dog Whisperer would do with Callie. Would he probe her memory for traumatic incidents from puppyhood? Would he tell her to snap out of it? Or would he tell her owners to stop being apologetic and be more assertive?

The Dog Whisperer reads the dog's facial expressions and body language. He developed this ability through many years of working with dogs. Some behaviorists, however, claim to have a "gift." This is true for Rachael Resk, as reported by a newspaper in Illinois. Resk says she communicates with animals through her "intuitive senses." Sometimes, she hears their voices inside her head, telling her what is wrong with them. She doesn't even need to see them in person; all she needs is a photo.

Now, I'm no pet psychic, but I can tell you exactly what Callie the formerly long-haired Dachshund is saying: "I look like a frankfurter! I am not leaving this crate until my hair grows out and that's final! Now, pass me the Prozac."