May 2, 2007

Something to talk about

When I took Keeper to see "In the Land of Women" it took him a while to get over his disappointment. The name lead him to believe that it had Angelina Jolie starring as an Amazon warrior or perhaps Pamela Anderson as an inmate in a Georgia women's prison.

Not so. In this movie a 26-year-old writer, disappointed in love, retreats to the Midwest to lick his wounds at the home of his grandmother, who has dementia and needs looking after. He forms a fast friendship with a neighbor and her teenage daughter. Endless meaningful conversations ensue.

At the post-mortem over coffee, we discussed our favorite characters. Mine was Meg Ryan, who played the mother with just the right amount of pathos. Keeper's favorite was Bozo, the English Bulldog who accompanied Ryan and her young friend on long walks around the neighborhood. "His character was absolutely believable," said my husband.

Over our second cup, Keeper made a statement that stunned me in its apparent lack of insight into the minds of women. "What are the odds," he said, that a guy would move into a neighborhood and three days later, all these women are telling him their life stories?"

"The real question, Mr. Clueless," I replied, "is what are the odds that they WOULDN'T tell him?"

It's a fact. Women are more open about sharing the details of their lives than men are. Or maybe they just talk more. Let's take an example. A few years ago, we were invited to the wedding of Keeper's co-worker. I love a chance to bask in other people's joy and eat fancy cake, so I was enthusiastic. I pressed Keeper for details: What's his fiancée's name? How did they meet? How long have they been dating? Where are they going to live? All reasonable questions, you would think. Keeper could answer none of them, despite the fact that he and the groom had shared the same small office for more then two years.

On the other hand, I could strike up a casual conversation with a stranger on line at Starbucks and hear about her problems with her boss, the arrest record of her oldest son, and her pet name for her husband in the time it took to whip up our lattes.

The Starbucks conversation between two men would go something like this:

"How about those Warriors?"

"Yeah, it's awesome."

"You got tickets?"

"Nah."

"Me neither."

The guy in the movie wasn't the strong, silent type like most men, or else it would have been a pretty boring movie. In fact, in the first scene, he was actually crying as his girlfriend announced she was dumping him. Later, he participated in plenty of soul-baring conversations with both Ryan and her screen daughter.

Some men I know are, shall we say, far less likely to show emotion or even be willing to talk about their feelings at all.

In the car on the way home, I asked Keeper, "Do you think Meg Ryan and her daughter managed to heal their relationship?"

He was silent for a moment, lost in thought. Finally, he spoke. "I don't know," he said, "but I think she's had some work done on her face, don't you?"