January 19, 2007

We're Expecting!

I want you to be the first to know. Keeper and I are expecting a new addition to our little family. We don't know the sex of the little one, so we've chosen two names to cover either case. Pucci if it's a girl, and Tigger if it's a boy. Of course, because of our age, we have to use a surrogate mother, and not knowing the father, we don't know if the baby will be white, black, tan, or spotted. We don't care, as long as it's healthy.

Watching the equipment coming into the house and noticing our excitement, Mr. Bobo the Wonder Cat is holding out hope that the new baby is really a kitten. Preferably one that he can get to lick the hard-to-reach places behind his ears. We don't plan to get a kitten, but reciprocal ear-licking may still be in the offing, as our new addition will come with bat-like ears and plenty of slobber. We're adopting a French Bulldog.

Perhaps, like me, you've never heard of a French Bulldog, or Frenchie, as we aficionados call them. Three months ago, neither had I. Then I met Darla the Darling Dog and my world will never be the same. Darla is the adopted daughter of my friend Tory. She (Darla, not Tory) has the afore-mentioned bat ears that are characteristic of her breed, along with a smashed-in face, short stubby legs, and a body like a little piglet. Darla charmed me instantly, jumping up and snorting a greeting while licking my hand. With one look into her bulging brown eyes, I was smitten.

There's no explaining it. Until I met Darla, I had not even thought of getting a dog. We've always been cat people. They don't eat much, they don't make any noise, and best of all, they're self-cleaning.

I still can't believe what came over me. When I returned home after meeting Darla, the house seemed so empty, so quiet, so…clean. I started researching the breed and discovered that, like any dog that has been bred by man instead of nature, there are inherent health concerns. Frenchies tend to have breathing problems because of their short snouts. Their flat faces also mean that they are vulnerable in very hot or very cold weather, since their nasal passages aren't long enough to condition the air on it's way in. Plus, their short stubby legs keep them from running long distances (a characteristic we share) and they tend to slobber and snore (the same as someone I live with). To be fair, they also share some highly desirable characteristics with Keeper: they are companionable, loyal, and love to play the clown. Plus, they like to sit in your lap. I had to have one.

When I told Keeper about my obsession, he was skeptical. He took one look at the glamour shots I had downloaded from the web and said, "Look at the face. Nature wouldn't make a dog like that."

I spent weeks dropping hints about how nice it would be to have a companion to keep me company when I leave my day job and start freelancing full-time in March. Besides, a dog would be good protection when I'm home alone. "That little thing?" Keeper scoffed. "Only if you were being attacked by a Chihuahua."

Then I hit upon the magic formula. "Just think, I said to Keeper as he donned his tennis shoes for a run, "I would get more exercise having a dog to walk."

He bit. Now, every time I talk about the sweet little bat-eared, big-eyed porker we're expecting, he mentions that it'll be good for me to get outside more. I haven't told him that one of the best characteristics of Frenchies is that they don't need a whole lot of exercise. Neither does he know that all that cuddly cuteness is going to run into four figures. That'll be our little secret.